Rootpaw and Shadowpaw
by BleatingHeart
Summary: Rootpaw has been padding after Shadowpaw since that bitterly cold leafbare, when Shadowpaw had given immeasurable meaning to Rootpaw's life by confiding in him. Rootpaw's been taking his role as confidant very seriously and is horrified to discover that through his little obsession with the Shadowclan cat, has developed feelings for him.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Rootpaw's chest swelled beneath a mat of jagged yellow fur. As he waited, paws shifting in the lush grass of the clearing's center. The young cat's mind wandered lazily back into the heart of leaf-bare prior. The seeds of dandelion that turned around on the new-leaf breeze turned and turned again to falling snowflakes. Working tirelessly to clear a path through the deep snow, Rootpaw provided Shadowpaw with shelter from the wind. He admitted everything to him, a complete stranger. The turmoil between the clans was palpable in the death-cold air, creating even more desolate a landscape. Amidst raucous outcry from the clans, and silence from the skies above, a cat from another clan, a medicine cat from another walk of life had _trusted_ Rootpaw with everything. A sudden gust gently tingled Rootpaw's whiskers and brought with it a familiar flutter of warmth as Shadowpaw's subtle scent hit him with all the force of a twoleg monster. His memories evaporated like thin ice in the weak new-leaf sun. Against the driving torrent of kit-like excitement, he fought to cross the clearing, and in but a few ungraceful bounds he reached his friend's side.

"It's been too long". Rootpaw scolded mockingly. "Sun-high remember? You were supposed to meet me here nearly eight sunrises ago. Or has the scent of those herbs finally driven you mouse-brained?". Whereas Shadowpaw would usually have given a piteous chuckle, Rootpaw saw instead, an unfamiliar conflict furrowing his friend's brow.

"I've been busy Rootpaw". He finally met Rootpaw's eyes. They were puffy and red. "Puddleshine says that if I can keep up with all the work he's put on me, he might talk to Tigerstar about giving me my full medicine cat name".

"Wait," Rootpaw scoffed, "so are you not here to see me?". Rootpaw's heart crashed into his stomach.

"Puddleshine says I need to restock the tansy, burdock, borage, coltsfoot-"

"Hold on!" Rootpaw cried, "why...well how about you just let me come along then?". Rootpaw forced the words out against his disappointment. "Come on! I remember you showing me a great patch along the border with twoleg place". He nudged Shadowpaw fervently. He wasn't about to give him a chance to argue.

For moons, they'd been meeting like this. Every tenth day along the border in a sheltered little clearing of tall, concealing field brush. It was hard to lie to his mentor. He exhausted himself trying to make up for all the lost time with Shadowpaw. The time he had to make _look_ like he'd spent dutifully hunting. "And Shadowpaw's got the gal to act like I shouldn't care about a missed meeting!?". He knew it was wrong, that he should take to Shadowpaw's defense, agree that training was more important. He could be close to achieving full medicine cat status for Starclan's sake! Yet as hard as the lump of apprehension in Rootpaw's throat was, he knew deeper than anything that Shadowpaw needed to be kept in his life. His loyalty to his clan was in every way equal to what he felt for this ungrateful Shadowclan cat. He'd lie for the rest of his life if he had to. Shadowpaw's trust in him, whatever Shadowpaw has seen in him that night, had given Rootpaw the kind of purpose that he could only dream of feeling from his clanmates.

By the time the sun was halfway through its descent, the companionable silence that settled between the two young cats, made the afternoon feel achingly familiar.

"So Shadowpaw," Rootpaw felt a cocky smile trace his cheeks, "your brother and sister have been warriors for some time now. Haven't they?"

"I don't know why you feel you have to rub that in Rootpaw but-"

"No no!" Rootpaw bumped Shadowpaw playfully. "I was only asking if you'll be expecting any kin born into the nursery come green-leaf".

"Oh!" Shadow seemed surprised, as if the thought had never even occurred to him. "I, ah, oh great Starclan I don't know."

"Tsk tsk, and here I thought you cared about your siblings" Rootpaw flicked Shadowpaw's whiskers with his tail. He brushed him off with an agitated sniff.

"Well how am I to know when a cat's in love? I'm a medicine cat. Or had you forgotten?"

"Okay mousebrain. So you're telling me that if a she-cat were to be padding after you right now, you wouldn't even know!?"

"The only she-cat padding after me; is _you_ Rootpaw"

Rootpaw scoffed, "very funny. But seriously though, you're not interested in she-cats, like, at all?".

"M-e-d-i-c-i-n-e cat!"

"That doesn't mean you don't get to have feelings!" Rootpaw's voice was all emotion. This conversation was quickly becoming anything but playful banter. Rootpaw spun on Shadowpaw bristling with anxiety. "Shadowpaw you got to know you can tell me anything, right!?".

"Good gracious Rootpaw, you make it sound like you want me to be sneaking around with a she-cat!"

Shadowpaw gave an exasperated sigh. "If it really means so much to you, no. I don't think about any cat like that". Shadowpaw's new stride set him a pace ahead. As tail-lengths set them apart, Rootpaw was left standing stone-still. His mind turned over desperately for an explanation.

With none to be found for his friend's sudden change of character, Rootpaw could hardly muster the anger for conflict through a bitter haze of pain.

"You don't have to be so defensive" Head low, Rootpaw spat his displeasure in his chest fur as he sped up to follow on Shadowpaw's heels. "It's just a question". Either Shadowpaw didn't hear him or chose to ignore the comment.

By the time Rootpaw had finished the rest of the day's training with Dewspring, his jaws hurt from being clamped down together so hard. As soon as he could, he made a beeline for the apprentices' den. Entering the cold empty darkness he felt his barriers begin to crumble, and his mouth began to fumble out words of its own accord.

"It used to be so easy to talk to him! Now it's like. Like I'm just a burden, a big stupid boulder blocking his path to becoming a medicine cat. Shadowclan has two medicine cats. What makes him so important anyway?". Rootpaw's labored breathing filled the small den as slowly his anger seeped away. Suddenly, shaken and exhausted, Rootpaw sunk into his nest and fell instantly into a restless sleep.

Soft blades of grass danced in the bright clean light of sunhigh. He stood in the clearing he'd visited the morning prior, and in more dreams than he'd like to admit. The scent of Shadowpaw drifted on the breeze. Rootpaw had to hold in a gasp. It wound itself around him, grazing down along his ears to the base of his tail, lifted in an unfamiliar sense of anticipation. The dark grey of his friend's face came into view for the first time. Pulling back to tower above him, Shadowpaw's gaze turned him over like prey. Without so much as a second of hesitation Shadowpaw bit down hard on his exposed neck.

"Aargh!" Rootpaw screeched in searing hot agony. His warrior training was lost in his panic. He writhed shamefully, desperately beneath Shadowpaw's great weight. Even when the pressure lifted he was paralyzed as if by a snake bite, by some indescribable sense of mingled horror and, and something else he could not describe. He flinched as Shadowpaw moved at him again, this time though he felt only a rough tongue being drawn up the side of his aching neck. The muscles beneath shuddered. This new touch was so much more powerful than that which had passed over him a moment ago. And he loved it. His fear evaporated like dew in the new bright light that seared his body. Yet he dared not call out his pleasure. Again and again, Shadowpaw drew his tongue up the sensitive flesh. When finally he bit down again, Rootpaw felt his body buck wildly and his back arch up to collide with Shadowpaw. He couldn't help but let a pitiful moan escape him when at _last_ he felt friction grind itself all along his underside; almost, but not quite, reaching his fully exposed sex.

Before he could fully register the sensation, pressure boiled up through his entire body from somewhere deep down in the pit of his stomach. He clenched his eyes shut, and felt suddenly like he might very well die! Seconds later every muscle in his body began to spasm, escalating to seizure. Searing ecstasy racked him mercilessly, before fizzling out into a silent nothing. All too suddenly, Rootpaw realized he felt cold, sticky. When he opened his eyes to investigate, he was met with the pale sunlight of early dawn.

He was in his nest. Reeling from shock. Rootpaw searched the den frantically. No Shadowpaw, no clearing. And yet...he still felt..." oh great Starclan!". Aghast, he froze. Coating his exposed genitalia like tree sap, was a creamy white substance, something like a nursing queen's milk. No, infinitely dirtier. Before the memory of the dream could slip away, fiery shame burned the images onto the back of his eyes. His blood turned to a thick black poultice. He'd ejaculated. For the first time too. Dreaming, about Shadowpaw.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Rootpaw would very much have liked to jump in the icy waters of the lake, anything to get his fur clean again. But he wouldn't dare arouse suspicion by coming back to his mentor soaking wet and freezing. He didn't know how often this happened to apprentices, if it was even supposed to happen at all! It seemed to Rootpaw like an unspoken rule for an apprentice not to take a mate, much less consummate any sort of relationship! It was certainly _not_ as if he was going to go around asking to find out. Instead, he proceeded to lick away the great globs of ejaculate with his own recoiling tongue.

"And what about Shadowpaw?" The thought hit him painfully like a blow to the gut, that, more than the taste in his mouth, almost brought him to vomit. "He would never speak to me again, not if he knew what I've been thinking". Rootpaw felt his throat constrict. He was out of place enough, with six toes and bright yellow fur, the image of his good-for-nothing father. That combined with a less than stellar record for trouble-making, it felt only cruel that fate should have him be different like this too. "I just wanted to follow your laws, become a good warrior by the code, and you miserable Starclan cats had to go ahead and curse me anyway!" he howled inwardly. He'd never even heard of a tom that..._wanted _another tom before. "Something must be so so wrong with me".

"Rootpaw!" Dewspring barked into the den, startling him and the sleeping Needlepaw to full petrified awareness. "You had training at dawn. Unless you've forgotten". Dewspring's incredulous gaze made Rootpaw want to crawl all the way back into his mother's belly. It was only by some sort of miracle he managed to slither out of the den.

"Bring something nice and juicy back for me" Needlepaw yawned, the echo of her sweet sleepy mew was greedily swallowed by the water-logged forest.

Deep in the heart of Skyclan's land all was silent but for the squelching of the mud that suckled at the cat's paws. For Rootpaw the silence echoed within his thoughts. His emotions rolled around like dark clouds in a wordless storm. Suddenly Rootpaw was slammed with a blinding jolt of panic, as he collided with his mentor.

"I motioned for you to halt!" Dewspring snapped in a barely restrained whisper.

"Sorry". Despite his panic, Rootpaw's distant meow could hardly inspire an ounce of real regret. Dewspring only sighed.

"Keep your voice low. You'll be hunting songbirds today". His mentor motioned upwards, and for the first time Rootpaw noticed the steady crescendo of bird song. Rootpaw winced as the light and overwhelming sounds blinded him for a moment. So that he had hardly any idea what Dewspring was mewing about by the time his voice finally broke through the haze.

"And remember, if that's the case, you can't always follow the same path as your prey.

"The same path... preying on Shadowpaw, that's it. How could Dewspring's lecture be so useful for once? We follow different paths..." Rootpaw turned the dirt beneath him over and over in thought.

"Quit that!" Dewspring gave a strong swat to his paw.

"Hey! I-" Rootpaw started indignantly.

"For Starclan's sake be quiet!" Dewspring opened his jaws to say more but seemed to change his mind. His lashing tail dropping flaccidly to the wet earth.

"Just go. Now's your chance. '' Dewspring flicked an ear to the trees.

Rootpaw tried to pinpoint the bird Dewspring wanted him to see. But something like a cicada screamed from inside Rootpaw's skull as he tried and failed in his intake of the dizzying canopy. But with Dewspring as disappointed as he already was, Rootpaw wasted no time asking. With claws extended, he snarled up the trunk of a black oak. In the canopy at least, he could instinctively traverse the web of branches. Hardly thinking at all his whole body honed in on a warbler just ahead. It cackled obnoxiously with the infernal hum of the morning. Rootpaw crept forward, trying not to stray from the scanty cover. He kept his tail tucked, violet gaze fixed unblinking on his prey, and his movements tight and controlled. Inch by inch he worked towards the target branch. Suddenly, and with a cheerful pip, the yellow bird skipped another few branches away from reach. Furious, Rootpaw yowled as he made a massive leap. He landed clumsily, banging his right side against the wood. Without breath he scrabbled for the flicker of yellow. Lashing out wildly, his outstretched paw just managed to pound the bird out of flight. Rootpaw took in deep shuddering breaths. The sound of tiny bones shattering filled the operatic air with silence. Rootpaw clung to his branch feebly, panting for a few moments, watching the tiny shape far below sputter for life in the mud. When finally he scrabbled to the ground, Dewspring stood with an unreadable expression over him. Rootpaw hesitated, teeth bared over his dirty, broken catch. And for the first time, he felt he had to close his eyes for the puncture of its tiny throat.

He shriveled at the look in Dewspring's eyes.

"You will thank Starclan for this prey" his mentor commanded in a tight whisper.

Rootpaw hesitated. He felt as if the whole of Starclan would sooner turn their backs on the clans forever than allow such a disgrace attributed to them. Yet the fire blazed on in his mentor's gaze as the moments stretched on.

"Thank...t-thank you Starclan for this prey".

Rootpaw's staggering paws carried him back to camp some tail-lengths behind his mentor. Rootpaw spat the warbler contemptuously onto the freshkill pile the second they arrived. He glared at it, a thin wail of warring rage and despair caught in his throat.

"Am I destined to spoil everything I touch? Oh Starclan! All this has happened too fast, hasn't it? It's unnatural, and, it's filthy! I...I'm filthy!" Dewspring's bark sent shivers through Rootpaw as it hit him from behind.

"I'll be hunting with my sister this afternoon". Reedclaw watched him patiently from just outside earshot. Dewspring shot his sister an anxious glance and lowered his voice to a bristling whisper "I trust you'll hunt _better_ when I'm not around".

Rootpaw understood the threat down to the marrow in his bones. Though he'd long accepted that Dewspring would never be a keen mentor, the embarrassment in his voice now, the way he couldn't quite meet his apprentice's eyes, shattered Rootpaw. As he watched his mentor saunter off, a bolt of primal rage shot up the back of his neck. He whipped around to lash out at any cat who may have overheard. A gaze penetrated him from where his father lazed nearby. "How dare he watch me! He, he pities me!" Not today. He was _not_ dealing with Tree. "If I"m any more embarrassed I think I'll die!".

Rootpaw swivelled and stomped off at the first twitch of Tree's lips. His paws carried him deftly along a puttering stream, and halted at a plot of gnarled bushes.

"This is all stupid Shadowpaw's fault!" Rootpaw spat vitriol from his mouth like sour vomit. "If he'd only be less...less..." his meow was small now, "I don't know!" He whined as the truth choked him mercilessly. He didn't know why he felt this way about Shadowpaw. But after taking slashes at the quiet stream, he felt too miserable to blame his dear friend. No matter how much Shadowpaw could push him away, nothing he did could stomp out the depth of feeling Rootpaw had for him. Thinking about his fur, soft, striped and silky, the warmth that spread through his body at Shadowpaw's closeness, it enticed a shaking sigh to escape him.

Suddenly, against the chill, Rootpaw felt a little too hot and full for his pelt. He shook vigorously, but a sharp pang of longing sent him staggering for the shelter of the bushes.

Rootpaw drew back panting, hot breath scattering the fur of his chest as he gazed down. The glistening red of his prick glowered at him from within its sheath. He tried desperately to tear his eyes away, but the malicious voice of his desire sang him forward. His mouth went instantly dry. He tentatively reached out a sandpaper tongue. He eagerly lapped up the clear fluid that trickled from his erection, and pooled at the base of his sheath.

"Oh Shadowpaw!" Rootpaw whined hotly, and his hips bucked in response to the thought of the young grey tom's breath on his groin. Eyes closed and fully engrossed in the fantasy, Rootpaw allowed his fully hard cock to pry open his jaws. Though instinct screamed at him to suck, and lick, he didn't dare. The sensation was too intense. Hot beads of fluid dribbled down his throat. His muffled groaning shook the young woods around him; _oozing_ into the spaces between each tender sapling. Every shiver of his pelt sent crackling shocks through the heat that sucked at him from all around.

"Great Starclan!" his thoughts screamed, so when he heard the same exclamation from the woods he never flinched. The breath on the back of his neck however…

"Glhughah!", he choked helplessly on his shame. When he turned, Dewspring stared unblinkingly at him. Dewspring's professional detached persona had vanished, to reveal a calamity of horror and fury battling across his face. He drew in a long breath, shuddering with emotion. Spun around, and motioned with a snap of his tail for Rootpaw to follow.

Rootpaw debatted all the way back to the camp running away from the clans forever. The deafening roar of his mentor's silence was unbearable, but worse was the anticipation of what Dewspring would have to say to Leafstar when they got back to camp. Forget becoming a warrior, he would be lucky to scrape fresh dirt over the dirt-place for the rest of his life! But just before they could reach the camp walls, Dewspring stopped, motioning for Reedclaw to go ahead. Rootpaw scurried along after her, but was stopped in his tracks by the blistering heat in Dewspring's glare.

"Why did I have to look at his eyes!" his thoughts yowled.

"You are _never _to leave this camp alone on a so-called hunting mission again!" Dewspring's hiss shook with venom. "And as for what you think you were doing back there…" he trailed off and suddenly sounded much less sure of himself. "It's not...it's not!..." His mew turned into a hiss of frustration. Without another glance at his apprentice, Dewspring head for the entrance of the camp, leaving Rootpaw feeling more wretched than he could remember feeling in his entire life.


	3. Chapter 3

Rootpaw waited impatiently, with his muzzle just poking out of the apprentices' den, and his ears flicking and turning like leaves in a storm. The half-moon shone dimly overhead, well on its way across the sky. Rootpaw wasn't much afraid of what the lack of sleep would do to his training the next day, without succeeding tonight, he would never have the focus to become a normal warrior anyway. Now he only had to move fast before it was too late! Nothing stirred inside the Skyclan camp, but the restless sounds of the forest at night would make good cover if he could just reach it. Taking a final breath, he shot out. Deftly he worked his way out through a dip in the camp wall, and then he was off. Churning leaves and mud under-paw he ran for the lake like the wind itself carried him.

"Shadowpaw, Shadowpaw, Shadowpaw" his mind chanted faithfully. Though a stone of apprehension sat in his gut, it was but a pebble to the weight he carried during the day. At the thought of seeing his friend again, every hair on his pelt radiated with the glow of moonlight. He broke the cover of high brush to meet the lake's glittering edge.

"Shadowpaw's scent!" relief bowled him over like a kit in the nursery. He flopped down moonily by the scent trail and waited, it couldn't be long now.

Rootpaw had nearly dozed off when the clattering of pebbles jerked his attention up and away to where two shadows lurched and skidded towards him.

"Shadowpaw!" Rootpaw exclaimed in a furious whirl of dusty yellow fur, jerking to a stop just in front of Puddleshine.

"Rootpaw?" He yipped. "What's the meaning of this?".

"I need to speak to Shadowpaw" Rootpaw begged with eyes soft as lilac. "Please?"

"Rootpaw!" The protest cut through his enthusiasm like claws. Worse yet, Shadowpaw was the one to deal the blow. "We are medicine cats, upholding the sacred tradition of visiting with our ancestors at the half-moon". This tone was tired, condescending. Shadowpaw has never sounded like that before! "You can't interrupt our journey back to the clan!"

"Oh Shadowpaw" Puddleshine seemed only faintly amused. "There's nothing in the warrior code that prevents medicine cats from having friends" he gave a reassuring smile to Rootpaw, who's heart dropped like a stone.

_You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what I really thought of Shadowpaw._ Rootpaws thought venomously. Pebbleshine went on.

"Go on Shadowpaw". He gave the stiff apprentice a nudge. "You've worked hard, you deserve it. Talk to your friend. I can go on ahead and you can catch up". He turned and continued into the darkness. "Don't be long!".

Rootpaw's heart lifted. This worked out better than he could have hoped! But Shadowpaw's hot embarrassed glare caught Rootpaw up on the impassioned speech he'd been practicing all day.

"S-sorry?" he offered sheepishly.

"I don't have anything to say to you Rootpaw" Shadowpaw slouched into his response. Physically relaxed since Puddleshine had gone, he suddenly looked exhausted.

"Shadowpaw" Rootpaw reached out a paw to comfort his friend, pulling it back just before he could brush the silky pelt. His insides burned and twisted.

"Shadowpaw I need you to meet me one more time!" Rootpaw exclaimed loudly.

"Rootpaw, I-"

"No! Look, I know you hate me now and you're getting your medicine cat name soon, so what does your stupid little friend matter right?"

"You're not-"

"But you have to come! If you care about me you will." Desperation laced his mew.

Shadowpaw stared guiltily at him from under heavily lidded eyes. "I'm sor-" but he couldn't finish. He averted his gaze and sighed, "fine".

It was only a few phases of the moon away from the next gathering, and the excess moonlight lit a cool fire under Rootpaw's pads. In a dip just lake-wise of his favourite clearing, a nest of feather down and moss lay concealed amongst the tall grass. Through the stems a wisp of silent grey fur passed into sight.

"Shadowpaw! Over here!" Rootpaw squawked.

"Quiet" Shadowpaw whispered urgently as he approached low to the ground.

"There's no need to worry". He nudged Shadowpaw up with his nose, "I've covered my scent. And so have you". Rootpaw drunk in the delicious tang of catmint off of Shadowpaw's pelt. He edged closer.

"Quit that!" Shadowpaw almost managed a laugh, batting at Rootpaw's twitching nose with a massive paw. "Tell me what's going on already. Why did you ask me here? What is so important?".

"Well, don't you want to be here? Even a little?" Rootpaw withered a bit at the line of questioning. When Shadowpaw didn't respond he brushed past him affectionately. "Come see the nest!".

"Rootpaw, I...oh" his eyes widened as he stepped onto the ring of downy bedding. "This...is really nice". It was hesitant, but the praise made Rootpaw's heart skip a beat.

"It wasn't easy plucking all those little birds. And harder still not to look conspicuous with feathers in my pelt. And Dewnose thought I looked unkempt before!" Rootpaw fell back along Shadowpaw's heels, laughing to himself all the way down.

Shadowpaw tucked his legs carefully underneath pillowy grey fur. His eyes still darting around, and ears pricked for danger.

"Hey! Look less stiff, would you?" Rootpaw pleaded. When Shadowpaw only bit his lip, Rootpaw doubled down. "It's okay to relax around me," he half-whispered, "we're friends". An uncomfortable silence hung in the air. Too long. _I have to do something! _Rootpaw thought frantically. Being so close, it was all he could think of to begin placing gentle licks starting from just behind Shadowpaw's ears, down his back, stopping shy of his tail. Sharing tongues was something Rootpaw had only ever observed. But it seemed to have the same effects on a Shadowclan cat as any of his senior clan mates. Contrary to Rootpaw's own pounding heart, Shadowpaw eased a little. Even offering weak purrs as Rootpaw deepened his strokes with confidence.

"Ah Rootpaw!" Shadowpaw exclaimed drearily, and it was Rootpaw's turn to stiffen. "You wouldn't believe how hard it is on your back being a medicine cat apprentice".

"Oh, oh yeah?" Good! He'd got him talking.

"I swear, bending over in that tiny little den is like being an overgrown kit in the nursery". Shadowpaw went on. Grinding his shoulders back into little arches as he spoke.

Late into the night they chatted excitedly, on and on about apprentice duties and their mentors. Shadowpaw never protesting as Rootpaw nestled into his herb-scented fur. The moon was well into its descent when Rootpaw pulled out of this haze. He'd almost relaxed right into sleep. He felt a sinister pulse shoot down his spine and warm wetness where his crotch met the bedding. He was suddenly very awake. Rootpaw hardly had to move an inch, Shadowpaw immediately picked up on his distress. "What's the matter? Did I say something?" His nose twitched once. His concern broke Rootpaw's heart. Silently he cursed Starclan. Of all the things that could've caused it. "Hey. There's something in my fur" Rootpaw hadn't even noticed that some of his arousal had smeared Shadowpaw's flank. Shadowpaw leaned down with his tongue to instinctively clean his pelt. Before he could, Rootpaw bowled him over.

"No!" He cried.

"What are you...doing?" Shadowpaw slowed as his eyes locked with Rootpaw's exposed crotch. The fur rose along his spine.

"W-what?" Shadowpaw fumbled. As he clearly struggled to understand what was right in front of him. Rootpaw hastily concealed himself. Shadowpaw's eyes continued to penetrate the air where Rootpaw's arousal had been. The apologies came in torrents. But Shadowpaw stared on.

"-I didn't mean to! It was an accident! The catmint! Your fur!-"

"Rootpaw," he looked him in the eyes, "it's okay. I get it".

"You do?" Rootpaw could hardly believe it. "I thought I was the only one".

"Well, Puddleshine said that it happens to a male every now and then. Especially when they're around a female in estrus". Rootpaw wasn't listening, he was too busy with the sinking feeling in his gut. _He doesn't understand at all. _"Hey. Hey Rootpaw?" _Why does everyone else get to be normal? It's not fair. _Shadowpa_w _said something else he didn't hear. Rootpaw didn't break out of thought until Shadowpaw settled himself against his side again.

"May I?" Rootpaw didn't have much time to respond before soft but firm paws guided him onto his back.

"W-wait, what're you doing!?" Rootpaw yipped.

"I've never seen another male's before. It's different".

"Different! What, like weird?" Rootpaw was alarmed. Maybe there was something wrong with it.

Meanwhile his member had softened partially. Shadowpaw's warm breath tickled his thigh, and Rootpaw thought the intensity of his gaze might be enough to slice right through his cock.

"Yeah. Well I've never had one leak on my belly fur. That's a little weird". Rootpaw's ears grew hot.

"Argh. I'm sorry!" He wailed miserably, grinding his head back into the dirt.

"Does it happen often?" Shadowpaw leaned in closer.

Rootpaw couldn't look his friend in the eye. He nodded his head.

"Oh, well. I think that's normal. You don't have to be so quiet about it". Shadowpaw goaded him on with a paw. "I think we all have feelings like that". When Rootpaw still seemed too distraught to answer, he went on. "Even me". He whispered sheepishly.

"But you're a medicine cat!" Rootpaw didn't mean to sound so shocked, and Shadowpaw looked all the more guilty for it. "I mean. I think that it's okay. So long as you're not having kits or anything".

"No! Of course not". Shadowpaw looked genuinely angry at the accusation. "I've just thought about it sometimes. When Puddleshine isn't around".

"Thought about what?" Despite being mortified seconds earlier Rootpaw tail began to flick to and fro. It was so rare to get Shadowpaw talking like this!

"You know..._it". _Shadowpaw buried his head in his chest fur. Rootpaw didn't miss the hint of longing in his voice.

"She-cats?" Rootpaw couldn't resist teasing him.

"Yes she-cats! But no she-cat will ever look at me like that. It's like I have this side of me no one will ever see".

"Well if no one else is brave enough to say it," Rootpaw swallowed the bundle of nerves in his throat, "I think you're very pretty".

"Yep, that's what I've always wanted to be, pretty by Rootpaw standards". Shadowpaw laughed, and the sound was like birdsong to Rootpaw.

"So you're not allowed to do anything at all? What if you just...touch it yourself?". Rootpaw felt like he was stepping on thin ice.

"It's all a little contrived. I have needs too, but well, I don't think Puddleshine would be too happy if he caught me".

"What about with..." Rootpaw thought he might not ever come back from this, "another male?" Rootpaw tried to focus all his nervous energy on stray feathers in the bedding. Despite himself his tail twitched madly, and his claws searching for something to occupy them.

"I definitely don't think he'd like tha- hey!" Rootpaw collapsed into Shadowpaw's chest, knocking him into the nest.

"Close your eyes if you have to". Rootpaw gave little warning.

"A-aha! Mm...Rootpaw?" Shadowpaw whined piteously as Rootpaw searched for his prize.

"I knew it. I knew you were aroused too". Rootpaw squealed in triumph when he bumped his nose against Shadowpaw's half-exposed shaft.

"Ah!" Shadowpaw's breathing had gotten loud and heavy within an instant of contact. Rootpaw looked up with eyes like moons, suddenly aware of what he'd done. When he looked back down, Shadowpaw's length had fully emerged, beating against his chest. One brief second of intensely aroused eye contact confirmed it for him. And Rootpaw went down on his paw-hood friend with vigour.

The flavour of Shadowpaw's sex scent rolled around his muzzle as he tenderly licked around the edge of his sheath. At the tip he sucked gingerly at the pre-cum that had gathered there and further down, the excess that had dripped onto his belly fur. Purring softly Rootpaw savoured the sensation of rolling his tongue over the spines that poked out dangerously along the length.

"Oh Starclan Rootpaw. I can't...ah!". Shadowpaw struggled weakly under-paw. All his resolve had vanished. He began grinding himself up into the air, searching for relief. Rootpaw obliged, taking the whole bucking length into his mouth, and sucking with a practiced flick of his tongue as he bobbed. It took only moments. "Rootpaw. Something's coming. I-I can't stop it. I'm sorr-". Shadowpaw was cut off by his own. Rootpaw felt paws come down forcefully on the back of his head, nearly spearing him on the twitching cock. Musky cum bathed Rootpaw's tongue as he desperately tried to swallow around Shadowpaw.

Before he'd even had the chance to savour the taste in his mouth, Shadowpaw pushed him off and backed frantically as far away from him as the nest would allow.

"I'm so sorry Rootpaw!" Shadowpaw shuddered as he stumbled over his words. "I don't know what happened, but, no no no! That's no excuse". Not knowing what else to do, Rootpaw reached out a paw to comfort him, but Shadowpaw apparently took no notice. "What would Puddleshine say if he found out what I did to you? I don't think I can ever look you in the eye again". Rootpaw settled right next to him, resting his chin on Shadowpaw's shoulder.

"It's really okay. I don't know what you're on about, but you didn't do anything wrong. I didn't do anything I didn't wanna".

"What? Really?" Shadowpaw stared at him incredulously.

"Totally! I was the one to tackle you wasn't I? And...I actually really kinda...liked it? You being all forceful like that I mean". Rootpaw had to bury his head in Shadowpaw's ruff, but he managed to struggle the last few words out. Shadowpaw had to stop and consider that for a long moment.

"You did? I didn't hurt you?". Shadowpaw still looked shocked halfway to Starclan, but his fur began to lie flat.

"Yeah, about that. I've had practice. It didn't hurt, really!". Rootpaw tried his best to sound nonchalant.

"P-practice!?"

"Oh no! Not like that. I'd never with somebody other than you. Just, well, myself".

"Oh". Rootpaw couldn't tell whether Shadowpaw was flattered or embarrassed or maybe that was disgust. But the expression on his face was so cute he could hardly care. He gave Shadowpaw's muzzle a lick. And to his utter delight he received a sideways smile in return.

"So have you ever done that before? I was kinda surprised by how fas-"

"You don't have to say it!" Shadowpaw covered his face with his paws. "I've never gotten that far before. I've heard the other toms talk, but I didn't know it felt...like _that_". Rootpaw nudged his paws away from his face. Looking him in the eye.

"It felt good though?"

"Are you kidding!? How do you think it felt to have your mouth on me like that? I don't think I can even stand up right now". For show Shadowpaw stumbled around the hollow, wobbling his legs dramatically. He collapsed onto his back, right against Rootpaw's flank. The way he looked up at him was all the invitation Rootpaw needed. He licked around Shadowpaw's muzzle, up and over each sensitive ear. Shadowpaw purred like thunder rolling across the sky. Rootpaw rubbed his cheek against Shadowpaw's, marking him like he would his territory.

"I'm sure this isn't what you had in mind for your first time". Rootpaw joked.

"Can't say it is. I can't complain though. I thought I'd be in Starclan by the time I got my cock sucked".

Rootpaw was shocked into a spurt of laughter. He'd never dreamed of Shadowpaw using such dirty language. "Sure feels like Starclan". Rootpaw cocked his head up at the stars a moment, silently thanking them.

"Don't say things like that!" Shadowpaw shoved him playfully. "You sound like a moon-struck she-cat. Silly Rootpaw". Shadowpaw licked up Rootpaw's neck in a friendly gesture, and the yellow fur along his spine bristled with delight.

"Mm" he moaned absently. Shadowpaw was spurred on, licking down his tingling spine and to his tail, growing cocky on the generous noises Rootpaw made. When suddenly Shadowpaw flipped him like a piece of prey, Rootpaw finally took notice of the erection poking out of grey-black fur.

"I think you made it this way" Shadowpaw looked into his shoulder as he spoke. "_You_ make me this way. And it's weird, but...I want it".

"It's not weird if we both feel the same way". Rootpaw offered weakly. But spurred on by his words Rootpaw watched entranced as Shadowpaw lowered his hips. It was hard to believe that a moment ago this cat was stricken with grief. He ground himself slowly but forcefully against Rootpaw's hardening shaft.

"Rootpaw..." Shadowpaw trailed off with breathy little moans. He picked up speed as the fur around his sheath began to slicken. Rootpaw felt himself grow painfully hard under the onslaught of friction. A gentle bite to the neck was almost enough to send him over the edge, but he held on with a shaky groan.

Shadowpaw had his eyes screwed shut as he searched for something only his body knew. Suddenly Rootpaw was shocked by a scorching pain as Shadowpaw's barbed cock probed his tail-hole.

"Wait, Shadowpaw, wait". The look in Shadowpaw's eyes was all hunger, but a glimmer of his characteristic concern shone through in his mew.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing! I think I just need to prepare is all. Turn around would you?".

"But...why?"

"Cause I said so! No get on with it. It's embarrassing". Shadowpaw begrudgingly obliged. Deftly Rootpaw licked his paw and searched for his entrance. His inexperience showed in his fumbling, and Rootpaw's breath grew hot with frustration. With all the noise Shadowpaw couldn't seem to help but steal a tentative glance. He was completely spell-bound as Rootpaw inserted one digit, and then two into his pink tail-hole. Shadowpaw's cock twitched each time Rootpaw thrust a little deeper into himself.

"Oh fuck Rootpaw".

"Hey! What did I say?" Shadowpaw whipped his head around again. But Rootpaw's anger lasted for just a heartbeat. From the state of the bedding around Shadowpaw, it was obvious he was already leaking profusely. He was biting his lip, trying a little too hard not to look in Rootpaw's direction. Rootpaw was a bit shocked at being admired for _this_ of all things. But he wasn't going to give up a chance to tease.

"Mm, you know, this feels _so_ good I might just use my paws to get the whole job done". In response Shadowpaw let out a play cry and lunged at him with clumsy paws, accidentally driving his face into the dirt.

"Rootpaw! That didn't hurt did it?"

Rootpaw couldn't pin down an answer. He was too confused by this new sensation. His tail stood rigid as a tree branch, and he shivered as a breeze brushed against his exposed backside. By some deeply recessed instinct he was possessed to hike his rump as high as his tip toes would allow. Suddenly a weight settled itself onto his back, and his skinny frame just managed to hold onto the ground beneath his claws. A scratching sound started up behind him as Shadowpaw humped empty air. In his periphery, a grey muzzle snarled from the effort and frustration. Rootpaw leaned back, and the silky moans he received into his ear nearly collapsed him entirely. Shadowpaw ran the tip of his cock over Rootpaw's tail-hole a few times, letting out low breathy moans as he did.

"Rootpaw-"

"Yes! Please, just do it".

Shadowpaw tore into him forcefully. Rootpaw could only yowl curses, so foul he'd have gotten duty in the elder's den for moons. Finally the pain subsided, to be replaced by a sick throbbing pleasure. Rootpaw's tongue lolled out of his mouth, as he struggled to maintain his stance. Shadowpaw was inside him, Shadowpaw was inside him!...And he wasn't moving.

"It's, ah, okay Shadowpaw. Grr-you can move". Paws hooked around the tops of his thighs. Shadowpaw began humping into him with a patternless rhythm, that to Rootpaw, felt like the kingdom of Starclan had descended on him in a white-hot haze. The next few moments winged away like a flock of noisy birds, blocking his senses from registering anything but the sensation of having his tail-hole ripped apart, and the hot breath brushing the fur around his ear. Suddenly that breathing hitched and gasped. Rootpaw slid his tongue across Shadowpaw's muzzle, feeling the snarl underneath as he did. The thumping gained a frantic pace as Shadowpaw snarled and spat like a cornered fox. One of his paws found purchase in bumping against the head of Rootpaw's cock every now and then. The fleeting contact drove Rootpaw wild as he bucked into the paw and back into Shadowpaw's thrusts. His tail-hole felt impossibly stretched, but as Shadowpaw was able to fuck him just a little deeper each time, he eventually stuck a sweet spot that made Rootpaw screech aloud.

"Oh Shadowpaw! Right t-t-there. Don't stop!" Shadowpaw huffed and puffed as if he'd run all the way from the moonpool, but he managed to go a little faster at Rootpaw's whining insistence.

"You're-ah doing a-a really-ah good job!" Rootpaw squawked with effort. Shadowpaw seemed encouraged by that. He rammed into Rootpaw with fervour anew, setting an impossible pace.

"Oh Rootpaw, it's going to happen again. I can feel it coming" Shadowpaw barely managed to gasp between thrusts.

"I want you t-to cum in my ass then!" Rootpaw volleyed Shadowpaw thrust for thrust.

Shadowpaw bit down hard on the back of Rootpaw's neck, evidently looking for leverage, but inadvertently sending Rootpaw cascading into a silent screeching dry orgasm. Shadowpaw took no notice.

"Ahh! Rootpaw! I'm gonna-ah AH" Shadowpaw warned just a second too late as he exploded deep into Rootpaw. Rootpaw rode on Starclan's high as he lavished the feeling of being pumped full of Shadowpaw's need. "Grr, grr, gr-ah!" He grunted in between thrusts that rocked Rootpaw's entire body. As the rocking stopped, both parties could only stand for a moment longer. Rootpaw collapsed into the nest, sending up feathers around him. With a much louder thump behind him, he could wager Shadowpaw had done the same.

"Are...you...okay?" Shadowpaw struggled between gasps for air.

"Of course! Don't be stupid, furball".

Rootpaw started up his scratchy purring again.

"What about here?" Shadowpaw lifted Rootpaw's tail and spread the excess fur around the base for a look at his tail-hole.

"Hey, d-ah fuck!" Rootpaw screeched as Shadowpaw drew his tongue over the sensitive flesh. A single jet of cum spurted lazily out of Rootpaw's cock and onto the ground.

"Woah! I didn't realize you were still holding that back". Shadowpaw recoiled a little, much to Rootpaw's dismay.

"No no! I did before. It was just super sudden, so nothing actually came out". Rootpaw blathered in an effort to get the warmth of Shadowpaw's fur back.

"I didn't realize that could happen..." Shadowpaw grew very still, "I guess I didn't realize a _lot_ until tonight".

"Do you regret it?" Rootpaw met Shadowpaw's eyes boldly. In a voice quiet as morning mist Shadowpaw answered.

"No".

"Good". Rootpaw replied shortly

A silence hung like fog as they let their words settle.

"We can't-"

"I know" Rootpaw's voice was icy. Everything was evaporating so quickly. "I know, and it's okay". He looked his friend in the eye again. Rootpaw's pelt stuck out like fireworks, but his voice softened for the blow. "I love you anyway".

Shadowpaw clearly wasn't expecting that. His eyes took in the stars, and his mouth hung open as he processed the impossible. "I don't think I know what that even means. I-you're a tom, it's...".

"Not a moment ago, you were inside of me. Stop playing pretend". Rootpaw's conviction kept his mew level. "It's okay if you don't feel the same, but it's not okay to lie".

Shadowpaw was stunned into silence for a long moment. Then a cheeky smile flickered across his lips. "Oh Rootpaw. You know you're kinda cute when you get all serious".

Rootpaw was about to retaliate when he felt Shadowpaw's warm bulk press against his side once again. Shakily, he let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. Shadowpaw drew his tongue over Rootpaw's ruffled forehead.

"You're going to have to give me some time to figure this all out". Shadowpaw asserted softly. He placed his head atop Rootpaw's.

"Okay". Rootpaw couldn't help his dejection sneaking into his voice.

Shadowpaw didn't have words for that. Instead he buried Rootpaw's face in the scruff of his neck. Rootpaw couldn't hide his scratchy purr.

"There it is". Shadowpaw sighed warmly. They shared a yawn and a few more blissful moments of closeness before Shadowpaw drew back. Rootpaw whined at the sudden loss. "You never released right?" Shadowpaw looked Rootpaw dead in the eye. He shuddered at the intensity.

"Uh, well not really". Rootpaw wasn't willing to believe where this was going.

"Well, do you mind if I help? I think I'd like to see..." he trailed off when Rootpaw was silent.

"Yes!" He barked suddenly, and Shadowpaw was visibly taken aback at the forcefulness. "I mean, if you want to". Rootpaw corrected. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest.

"Won't you roll onto your back then?" Despite the overly polite tone, Rootpaw couldn't help but feel the stirrings of arousal at being ordered like that.

"Yes sir!" he chirped.

"Hey, don't call me that! It's weird".

"Hm, you sure you don't like it? You seem pretty eager to order me about!" Rootpaw teased.

"Be quiet!" Rootpaw dutifully slammed his jaws shut. His hips were noticeably quivering with anticipation as Shadowpaw's face drew nearer. He could feel the hot breath coming off of him in waves. Rootpaw's cock twitching to life at the sight of parted lips. Shadowpaw's tongue poked out tentatively as he hesitated. Rootpaw wanted to scream! He dug his claws deeper into the dirt at his sides. Shadowpaw made the briefest contact, then immediately recoiled.

"It twitched!". He cried indignantly.

"Well it's my cock Shadowpaw! Not fresh-kill". Rootpaw could've clawed him just then. If not for the warmth he felt on his groin a moment later, he just might've. Shadowpaw had taken him fully into his mouth. "I suspect...ahh...that was...eh...to shut me up". Rootpaw struggled to speak.

He could feel his balls nestled against Shadowpaw's soft chest fur. As he strained to look, he caught Shadowpaw staring up at him. Good Starclan he nearly lost it right there! His watery red eyes searched his face for approval. Rootpaw held this gaze as Shadowpaw began bobbing his head. Rootpaw shivered madly, trying his damnedest not to moan. Shadowpaw flicked his tongue over the tip of his cock, in a maneuver he was no doubt recalling from earlier. _That crafty badger!_ In a last-ditch attempt to save his dignity, Rootpaw shoved a paw in his mouth and bit down. Shadowpaw batted it away, and after a few agonized moments Rootpaw broke down.

"Oh Shadowpaw, just...like...THAT!" Rootpaw's pitchy moans seemed to be having an effect on Shadowpaw.

His eyes roamed greedily over the yellow tom's sinewy body, and the resulting carnal purr sent vibrations shooting through Rootpaw's lower half.

"Oh Starclan! You're going to make me-"

"Really!?" Shadowpaw pulled off him with a pop.

"Gah! Why'd you stop?" Rootpaw whined. Shadowpaw looked into his chest fur. As he lowered himself down, he hesitated. He was level with Rootpaw's throbbing need, his gaze however, roamed further down.

"You really like it down here right?" Shadowpaw asked, eyeing him seriously.

"Why, whatever gave you that impression?" Rootpaw jeered. Shadowpaw gave a cheeky little smile. Rootpaw didn't have time to stifle his gasp at the sudden sensation rising from his tail hole.

Shadowpaw circled around it with his tongue, cleaning off the spunk that had leaked out. As Rootpaw thrashed and writhed Shadowpaw drew his tongue experimentally over it. Apparently not satisfied with Rootpaw's dramatic reaction, he dove his tongue deeper. He flicked and thrust it about. Rootpaw struggled to take in breaths over his desperate yowls for more. As good as it felt to have his ass paid this much attention, he craved release with every stiffening muscle in his body.

"Ah! That feels...mm...really good...Shadow...p-paw". Shadowpaw's eyes fluttered shut as he drank in his own name. "I t-t-think I need that ah...tongue somewhere else though".

"Oh don't worry about that, I was just getting you ready". Rootpaw felt a shiver rise up his spine at the devious look in Shadowpaw's eye.

As he went back to work sucking Rootpaw's drippy length, Shadowpaw traced circles with his paw around his tail hole. With a half-lidded glance at Rootpaw he thrust a pawtoe in. Then two.

"Shadowpaw!" Rootpaw squealed. Shadowpaw's purr sent a low vibration through his cock.

The resulting string of profanity sent a few birds wheeling out of neighbouring trees. "Great Starclan! How'd ya-ah get so go-ood at t-this!?"

"I learned from the best" Shadowpaw's sultry whisper filled Rootpaw's chest with an overwhelming fondness for this peculiar, beautiful cat. So that when he went back down on him, Rootpaw could hardly hold back a second longer. But he decided in a sex-crazed haze to push this even farther.

"I'm almost...ah...there. Just a little bit...mhh...m-more!". Shadowpaw frantically inserted another paw toe, stretching Rootpaw as wide as when he'd been inside him.

"More!" He shrieked. Shadowpaw's tail thrashed about in unrestrained excitement as he slipped in a final toe. Gratefully, Rootpaw speared himself on the paw, desperately searching for his rapidly oncoming release.

"Shadow-p-paw! I'm...ah...it's coming!". With a final series of hard thrusts Rootpaw smashed his cock against the roof of Shadowpaw's mouth; a moment later spilling seed down his throat. Rootpaw struggled to keep his head above water, after wave upon wave of climax beat him against the dirt. Shadowpaw seemed to use all the faculties of his will to keep himself put, watching Rootpaw eagerly until he shuddered into stillness.

When Rootpaw blinked open his eyes again, the shape of Shadowpaw loomed over him, panting heavily. _Oh no! _Blood was welling at the corner of his lip. Rootpaw started forward in a panic, and Shadowpaw recoiled a step before the soft tender laps of Rootpaw's tongue on his muzzle drew him back in. When it flicked and hovered over his lips, instinct parted them open. The soft carcass of his tongue against Shadowpaw's made the stars above them pulse and quiver in Rootpaw's vision. Shadowpaw's exhausted body quivered at this new gentle touch, and collapsed into him all at once. Rootpaw fell like a leaf. The passion of their mouths meeting chased away the taste of blood in a heartbeat.

"How do you feel?" Rootpaw ventured. He spoke right up against Shadowpaw's muzzle.

Shadowpaw had to chuckle a bit before his breath caught up with him. "Never ah-better".

In the shredded remains of the nest they lay like that for a long time. The stars tilting towards the horizon, and casting a pale light over their embrace. In Shadowpaw's hold - dark grey fur suffocating all the bad out of the world - Rootpaw felt more at peace than he had in moons. And now he knew why. _I love this cat. I've loved him from the day I met him. I don't even care what comes next. So long as I can face it with my friend. _Rootpaw tucked himself tighter into Shadowpaw's chest. He listened as the world revolved around Shadowpaw's fluttering heartbeat for a moment. Until the rhythm dragged him into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
